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Sunday, November 23, 2008

Spoiling My Baby? Or Loving My Baby?

So baby is born.

He cries when he's born... as soon as I breastfeed him, he's fine.

He slept. And was breastfed. I was determined to breastfeed him on demand--even if it took doing this each hour... which it did.

As long as I held him, he was fine. The minute he was placed down to sleep, he woke up and began crying... SO I kept holding him. And we slept together. And that first day, I actually slept well... with him on me. I thought it was very nice.

"oh, you're really spoiling him" says one of the nurses.
Oh GREAT!!! Guilt-trip!
(I think: Does this nurse have children??? What does she expect me to do? Let him cry through the whole night? Or let him cry til he goes to sleep??? On the first day of his birth!?)

"you can't spoil a baby" says a lactation consultant.
oh GREAT!!! How come no one else seems to know this bit of information???
(I was just confused there were so many opinions about parenting from different professionals--which one do I listen to?)

Baby is crying. His diaper is fine. He was just fed. He's trying to suck his fingers, but can't find them. What then? Let him "cry it out"?
NOOOOOO!!!! It's more stressful ON ME! I'm barely getting some sleep... and I have to let him "cry it out"?????????????????????
So, I give him a pacifier. I can't hold him ALL day.
BUT... he doesn't take it. He actually 'gags' it out.
So, I gave him my finger to suck on until he 'finds' his own... and he's fine.

I'm a person that wants to do the 'right thing'. So I was VERY CONFUSED there that there were so many opinions.

BABY TRAINERS VS. ATTACHED PARENTING

Baby trainers say: "let him cry it out", "Don't let him suck his thumb", "don't let him sleep on you, you're spoiling him", "don't spoil him--you'll regret it later", "Don't give him a pacifier!", "babies do not sleep with their parents", "don't rock him, nurse him, do anything to help him sleep-- let him learn to sleep on his own".

I'VE RECEIVED ALL OF THESE ADVICES!!! ALL OF THESE ADVICES ARE BASED ON THE FEAR THAT THE BABY WILL ADOPT BAD HABITS THAT WILL INCONVENIENCE OUR LIVES!!!!!!!

FEARS:
1) I don't want a spoiled child.
SPOILED CHILD= a child who gets what he wants all the time. When you don't give him what he wants, he cries. And he will keep crying and raging until you give him what he wants.
Inconvenience= a disrespectful child who wants his own way and will not obey what I say. I will be embarrassed in public with such child.

2) I don't want my child to have damaged teeth because they are sucking their thumb when they're older.
Inconvenience= My child's mouth will look different... and it's a little embarrassing to see an older child sucking their thumb... and I will need to spend money on braces, etc.

3)If baby sleeps on me, he will ONLY want to sleep on me. He'll never want to sleep on his own bed by himself.
Inconvenience= I'll never be able to sleep in my own bed without baby.

I'll share what I've experienced in the next post.

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